Cry It Out

Last night we let Nick cry it out. We've attempted CIO before, but any previous time, we've caved after 10-15 minutes of crying and have run in to rescue him.

For the last few weeks, Nick's sleep patterns have been unpredictable and pretty poor. He would fall asleep in my arms at night, as usual, but wake up anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour after going down in his crib. We'd run in, scoop him up, soothe him, lay him back down, and repeat this process all night (sometimes 4, 5, 6 times a night) until ultimately picking up up after the last crying session around 3 or 4am, and bring him into our room to sleep in our bed with us.

I'm not sure if it was the sleeplessness that finally caught up with me, or the fear of having a 2 year old still sleeping in our bed, but I decided we couldn't keep doing what we were doing.

I had read about Moms on Call from several other mommy blogs that I read, and not quite knowing what else to do, I signed up for their online seminar. I watched about 20 minutes of the seminar last night and that was it -- my booty was kicked into gear, and a decision was made. We had to teach Nick to self soothe.

Now I'm not saying this is right for everyone, but it's right for us. And up to this point, I didn't think it WAS right for us. I was certain we'd never do cry it out, because I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

But after watching the beginning of the Moms on Call seminar, I learned a lot about sleep environment, as well as just received affirmation that, in fact, Nick will not cry himself to death. Yes - a million people had told me this on FB...but hearing it out of these professionals mouths -- pediatric nurses with several children of their own -- just made the sick feeling in my stomach shrink a bit more.

Not to mention, several people had told me "Unless you are absolutely ready to commit to CIO, don't attempt it. And your husband needs to be ready as well."

Well, last night, we were finally ready. We just didn't know it yet.

Actually, I'm not quite sure you're ever ready to hear your kid scream hysterically for that length of time...

Of course, we didn't make the decision before putting Nick to bed. He fell asleep in my arms, per the usual, so I laid him in his crib. He slept for about 30-45 mins before waking up and crying. Todd went in almost right away (I guess we weren't ready at that point). Nick seemed pretty upset even with Todd picking him up, so I decided to give him a little Tylenol, as he has been teething on the top pretty fiercely the past couple days.

The Tylenol seemed to quiet him down a bit, but he still didn't want to sleep. Todd held him for about 15 minutes but he wouldn't sleep. Finally I went in and took him from Todd and attempted to rock him to sleep. (At this point we were planning to fore go CIO until the weekend).

After about 15 more minutes, Nick fell asleep in my arms. I stood up to place him in his crib, and he woke up again. So I laid him in the crib anyway, patted his belly and said "goodnight, I love you" and walked out.

He began screaming almost instantly.

And he didn't let up for an hour.

After an hour of extremely hard crying and sobbing, he started taking breaks between sobs to lay his head down (at this point he had flipped to his belly). Todd decided he would sneak in and turn on Nick's sleep Giraffe (it only makes white noise for 45 minutes). I stood at our bedroom door watching the monitor for Nick to lay his head down, and when he did, I signaled to Todd to sneak in his room. Naturally though, as soon as Todd opened Nick's door, he picked up his head and started crying again. But it only lasted about 10 more minutes. And after 10 minutes of crying, breaking to lay his head down, crying some more, etc. he finally laid his head down one last time and dozed off. With the hiccups, of course.

And you know what? Nick didn't make a single peep the rest of the night. Not one little noise. He slept harder than ever. Of course, I'm sure a straight hour of hysterical crying would tucker me out, too. But it was glorious! Being paranoid, I woke up a couple of times, and made Todd check on his breathing when he left for work. But Nick snoozed through it all.

And even better, he woke up smiling and happier than he has in weeks! I mean, he always wakes up pretty happy, but sometimes it takes a while as he's so groggy from a bad night of sleep. But this morning, he woke up well rested and ready to take on the day!

I'm so proud of my sweet baby boy for being so tough, and for sleeping so well. And I'm so proud of Todd and I for not caving...even though we laid on the bed watching the video monitor for nearly a full hour, debating how much longer we should let him cry.

Tonight we're going to purchase an all night white noise machine, as it's highly recommended. I've also removed his mobile, which is often a distraction.

I know he'll probably cry again tonight, but now that we've survived one night of it, I'm confident tonight will be a bit easier. I'm told it takes 3 days to break a baby habit, so hopefully by the weekend, we'll have our great sleeper back!

I appreciate all of the advice and encouragement I've received from other parents going through the same thing. I often wonder how our moms did it before facebook and google. I think I'd go crazy if I didn't have instant reassurement that I was doing the right thing, or knowledge on what to do, at my fingertips.

Last night was by far more gut wrenching and unbearable than anything else we have encountered on our parenting journey in the past 8 months. Sure, the postpartum depression I suffered from for a month was difficult, but I never had to experience my baby seeming to be in pain. Postpartum was an internal struggle with myself that was only affecting me. But watching my baby boy seem so sad and miserable, fearing that we'd never return to love him again...THAT was awful. My heart hurt with every tear. But ultimately, I know we're doing each other a favor. And it only makes us look even more forward to the morning -- when we get to see each others faces once again.