Toddler quirks

As Nick comes into his own little personality more and more with each passing day, I feel like there are a million little moments that I want to just capture in a box and lock them away forever. And I want to remember them.  All of the moments - good or bad.  All the little quirks that make my toddler who he is.

So I thought I'd jot down a few of his current quirks that either I can't get enough of, or leave me scratching my head in disbelief.

--His current love for the song "Thrift Shop" by Macklemore.  Every baby/toddler/kid has their song...the one that makes them stop what their doing and bust a move.  Nick's is Thrift Shop.  The other day when I picked him up from daycare, he was throwing a fit in the back seat about what a mean mommy I was for not letting him watch Dora on our 7 minute commute home, when suddenly Thrift Shop came on and he stopped his yelling and started busting a move.  I cracked up.  And the harder I laughed, the harder he danced.  And he's done it every time since.  BUT, only in the car. 

--The efforts he is putting in to make Whinnie like him.  Granted, they aren't best friends just yet, but he's working on it.  Every single morning he insists on hugging Whinnie goodbye before we head downstairs and out the door for the day.  And yesterday as we were sitting on the couch, Whinnie climbed up between us and snuggled in.  Even though Nick was caught up in playing with his Leap Pad, every couple of minutes, without even looking up, he would absentmindedly reach over and pet Whinnie's back - it was so natural and adult like, I couldn't help but feel my heart swell.

--The bi-polar tantrums in public places.  I know this is common two-year old behavior.  But seriously, Nick thinks public outings are great excuses for meltdowns.  For instance - last week I had to pick up a prescription from CVS after getting him from daycare.  He was happy and lovey all the way into the store, but as soon as we got in the pharmacy line it was like his inner wildebeest couldn't be contained anymore and he went nuts.  For no good reason.  The woman in front of me in line (God bless her!) insisted we go first and attempted to calm my nerves by saying "oh he's so precious" and "they all do that, don't worry".  So we hurriedly checked-out, while Nick (screaming the entire time) proceeded to empty an entire box of Twix on the floor, and made a bee-line for the exit.  Only, as soon as we got out of the pharmacy line, it was like his inner angel found it's way back out and he was the happy-go-lucky, lovey little guy again.  I, on the other hand, was completely frazzled at that point.

--His exclamations.  Granted, he doesn't say many understandable words yet, but little dude can really put some emotion into his reactions.  My current favorites are when he will pull a random cheerio out of his car seat - one that's probably been there for a few days - put it in his mouth, look right into my eyes, and exclaim "MMMM!" like he just ate a freakin' Filet Mignon -- and also the way he will blow on something hot as though he's trying to single handedly blow out a forrest fire.  OR the way he strains his neck and loudly grunts "UHHH!" when exerting extra energy to climb the stairs or carry something heavy.  And don't get me started on how he thinks he's a body-builder.  If it's not nailed down, and he can lift it, he will. The diaper pail, his bean bag chair, the humidifier tank, the ottoman to the rocking chair, his play kitchen...and no item is different -- he strains and grunts loudly like "oh my gosh, can you believe I'm carrying this heavy S.O.B.??" with every single thing he picks up.  It's totally hilarious.

--His infatuation with the way things work.  If it has buttons, knobs, cranks, handles, levers, etc, he's into it.  He loves to see how things work.  Especially the vacuum.  Have I mentioned his love of the vacuum cleaner on here before?  I mean, if you know Nick, you know he's obsessed (and I do mean that literally) with all things vacuum related.  We currently own three toddler vacuums.  And he would gladly use the Dyson anytime he's allowed.  The babysitter says he's going to be an engineer one day.  I told her it's either that, or a janitor.  (Let's pray it's not the latter, shall we?)

--The way he pushes the limits. For instance, he loves to stand on the back of the couch.  I have horrifying visions of him flipping off, and cracking his head open.  And every time he climbs up there, I scold him.  I even went so far as to use his full name the other day - which he responded to really well (now I see why mom's do that...it totally works!).  But every time I scold him, he looks shocked and scared, climbs down, and then waits until my back is turned to do it all over again.  And I know he's standing on the back of the couch by the way he lets out a breathy giggle in anticipation of me scolding him again.  Such a stinker.

--His unsolicited hugs and kisses.  This is my most favorite quirk.  Probably always will be.  When we found out Nick was a boy (while still in utero), people started coming out of the woodwork to tell me "oh, little boys are the best...they LOVE their mommies".  Which I thought was sweet of them to say, but really didn't understand until fairly recently.  Nick constantly comes over and hugs or kisses me or climbs into my lap.  Just last night as I was getting him ready for bed, I stood him up to zip up his jammies and without any warning, he pulled his pacifier out of his mouth, leaned in and kissed my lips, and then threw his arms around my neck and squeezed with all his might.  And if that didn't almost bring me to my knees, when he backed up, a piece of my hair fell across my face and he ever so gently reached up and brushed it aside before leaning in to kiss me again.  Seriously?  Swoon.  I know eventually he'll outgrow this mommy-loving phase...and I'll be ok with it because it won't be nearly as cute (or legal?) for a 15 year old to kiss his mommy like that...but believe me, I'm soaking up those hugs and kisses.  If he wants to hug and kiss on me for a full 10 minutes, only pushing back bedtime?  I'm gonna let him.  Because to me, there is absolutely nothing sweeter.  Except maybe his dance moves. 

On being proud

This morning was one of those moments in my life where I suddenly realized just how deep a mother's pride for her children can run.  It's not that I'm not always proud of Nick - because believe me, I am ALWAYS proud of Nick (which can be easily seen through the 9.7 million pictures of him posted on my facebook...I can't help it, that blue-eyed, dimple-cheeked, red-headed, teethy-smile toddler is so yummy, I just HAVE to share!).  But this morning was different.  This morning, he said two words that I had never heard him even attempt before.  And I understood them.  And I cheered and clapped and felt as though my heart was going to burst out of my chest, I was so damn proud.  I got in my car and got teary-eyed. 

As the mom of a potentially apraxic child, every time Nick even attempts to say a word or sound, or repeat something I ask him, I celebrate his efforts with clapping and a "great job, buddy!"  But rarely do his attempts sound like the actual word he is trying to get out.  We get "ooooo" for "moo" and "kack" for "quack", as I've mentioned before.  And we get a handful of other sounds (for instance "mmmmm!" every single time he eats something he likes) or words here and there, but rarely something new or different than what is already in his repertoire.  As of lately, his favorite word is "Hi!" which he says to everyone and anyone he comes in contact with. 

And when Nick gets mad or frustrated?  Yeah, I'm pretty sure he goes on a tangent of angry curse words because homeboy can do some yelling.  You know those parents that get upset when someone curses in front of their child?  Yeah, not in our house.  We're hopeful one day Nick will yell out "OH SHIT!" because a) that would just validate his speaking ability, and b) is there anything funnier than a toddler that curses?  I mean seriously?  (For the record, if he does this, we will laugh, we will be proud of his speech, and then we will correct him and teach him about bad words...just in case the parent police are reading this.)

But we rarely get actual repeat words when asked.

Today, however -- today was different.  As we were walking into daycare this morning, Nick was doing his usual routine of pointing out all of his favorite objects on the way in -- the mailbox, the trees, the neighbor's house, the babysitters car, the playground in the backyard -- and I happily named all of them, as I do every morning.  But as we were about 10 feet from the door, a squirrel ran by us and I said "Nick!  Look at that squirrel!" And damn if he didn't point, grin, and say "quirrel!"  Sure, there was no 's' on the front, but it was clear as day that he was saying squirrel.

We went into the babysitters house and I, beaming with pride, said "Nick just said squirrel!!"  To which the babysitter said "You did?!  Good job, Nick!  Can you say squirrel??" and damn if he didn't, just as clear as the first time, repeat back "quirrel!"

My heart.  I about keeled over.  But before I could even react, he ran over to the breakfast table, picked up a banana, turned and grinned at me again and said "banana!"

Seriously?!  Who are you and what have you done with my kid?!

I know that it is very common for apraxic kids to say a word - very clearly - one time and then never say it again, but even to hear it just one time (and in the case of the squirrel, twice in a row!), it was truly one of the most prideful moments in my mommy life to date.  The therapy is working.  The efforts we are putting in are working.  And he is finally "getting it".  He WANTS to talk.  And he WILL talk.

I can't even put down in words just how truly proud I am.  I know there are kids out there that are Nick's age that are talking in full sentences, singing full songs, possibly even writing their dissertations.  And I also can't even explain how much it hurts my heart to see these kids and wonder when Nick will be able to talk like that.  But today it didn't matter.  Because my kid?  He said "squirrel" and "banana" this morning.  Before 8:30am.  And I couldn't be more thrilled.

I can totally see it now...I'm gonna be that parent that's bringing flowers and screaming and whistling and whooping it up during my kids first grade play...even if he's just playing a tree.

Mom pride -- it's a powerful thing.

What I'm Loving

In honor of Valentine's day, a list of things that I'm currently loving:

• The Carrie Diaries on CW.  Go ahead, tell me I'm too old to be watching this show.  I won't disagree.  But between the adorable Carrie [played by AnnaSophia Robb, who mind you, I am a full 11 years older than] and the not too overdone high school drama combined with just the mere thought that the show is the prequel to Sex and the City, well consider me a big fan.

• Keurig Coconut Mocha coffee with Almond Joy creamer.  I drink this every single morning.  And have for the past 3-4 months.  Other coffee flavors just don't compare anymore.

• The Valentine's present I thought up for Todd.  I have never really done anything creative for Todd for Valentine's day (mostly because I've always let him take the reins on V-day, and also because his birthday is exactly 4 days later and doubling up on the creative gift-giving exhausts me), but this year thanks to Pinterest and a little bit of my own brain power, I've come up with something cute, relatively inexpensive, and still manly that I know he will love.  *patting myself on the back...

• Working from home.  It's something I used to daydream about.  Waking up, changing from my slept-in jammies into a clean pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt.  Not having to put on eyeliner.  And being able to work at my own pace knowing that I can literally go back to the office whenever I need to.  This new gig proved even more desirable just the other day when the babysitter called me in a moment of panic because Nick had eaten a bite of her daughter's leftover pad Thai from the night before and it had peanuts in it.  He immediately threw up without even swallowing the food, but I was able to hop in the car and be at her door within minutes of the whole incident unfolding.  Gave him a shot of benadryl, and he was fine (thank God).  Had I been in Old Town, I would have been spending the remainder of my day panicking and worrying about my little guy.  Working from home = total peace of mind.

• 1300 days of marriage.  Random, but for some reason today I googled our names looking for our old knot.com wedding website.  I couldn't find the actual website, just a header with the names "Melissa & Todd" and our wedding date - July 25, 2009, stating that as of today, Valentine's Day, we have been married for 1,300 days exactly.  I love a nice round number.

• Old Navy's Rockstar denim.  Materialistic, yes.  And I'm sure Todd will be thrilled to read that I recently bought myself a new pair.  But in my own personal defense, it had been a long time since I bought a pair of jeans that actually appropriately fit my post-birthing body.  And these jeans are awesome.  They don't even really feel like jeans.  More like a combo of jeggings mixed with skinny jeans -- it's like you're not even wearing pants, they're that comfortable.  And come on, at $30, they're a steal.

• A Master Bath re-do.  We recently found a leak in our master bathroom shower.  A leak that led to pulling a few tiles off the wall and discovering some mold behind them.  We've been dreaming of re-doing our master bathroom since we moved in 3 years ago, but it's never really been a "need" to spend the money, so we just dealt with the ugliness and tried our best to keep company from looking in there when they visited.  But now it's a "must" spend the money, and while I'm NOT loving the fact that it's going to cost us a pretty penny, I AM loving the fact that I will no longer have to look at that putrid floral linoleum flooring or stark white tile.  I promise before & after pics.

• A 3 day weekend at the Lake!  Monday is Todd's birthday, so we're going to take advantage of the fact that it's also President's day, and thus a federal holiday, and escape to the Lake for some golf, food, lounging, and relaxation.  Ahhh...I can smell that fresh air already...

• My sweet Whinnie.  I can see how quickly she is aging and it breaks my heart to know that she won't always be with us.  She's starting to limp more frequently due to her aging hips, and she has a benign (albeit small, but growing) tumor on her eye that is starting to irritate her.  At the end of the day, she wants nothing more than to sit in our laps and be loved.  And having her home with me all day - even though she'd prefer to lounge on her couch or in the sunlight two floors down from me - is comforting to have the companionship.  We've been through a lot in our 7 years together and while she's quickly become Todd's dog, she will always be my baby girl.

• Our friends.  A couple weekends ago we were fortunate enough to have my parents watch Nick while we went out for drinks with some good friends and it was wonderful to catch up.  Then last night we went out for an early Valentine's dinner with some other wonderful friends and just laughed and had a great time.  Then this morning I received a group text from Jenny to "the original loves of our lives" - our LBC crew girls.  And it all just makes me smile to think that even though our lives all get so busy and full, as adults you forget the petty "well you forgot to call me last week" BS and just honestly enjoy the catching up in whatever form it may come.  I often forget we have such wonderful friends, because we rarely take the time to hang out or catch up with them.  But they are consistently supportive and willing to make time, and for that I'm grateful.

• My family.  This goes without saying.  I have the best damn family in the world.  Each and every member.  And I'm ALWAYS loving them!

Happy Valentine's Day!

To my Valentine's

Todd and Nick,

You are my loves, my life, my future.

I will never give up on us.

Time.

I've been thinking for some time now that I ought to document what happens during our weekends.  Mostly just so I can remember the little details of our all-too-short two days of work-less freedom together.  But also because I've really come to appreciate weekends even more so now that I have a husband who does not have to work through them, and a son that thinks his parents are the two greatest people on earth (except for when they are denying him goldfish crackers for breakfast).

Lately (like as in the past two years) I've felt as though time is going even faster than it used to.  I get up in the morning, race to get Nick dressed and ready, throw some grubby clothes on my own body, usher Nick out the door and into the car, drive him to daycare, rush back home, plop down in front of my computer, and before I know it I'm so completely immersed in travel planning, scheduling, and PowerPoint presentations that it's time to head back out to pick him up from daycare.  And it doesn't stop there -- I pick him up, either head back home, or run some much needed errands, and then it's home just in time for dinner, bath, and bedtime before falling onto the couch to watch mindless reality TV for two hours before heading upstairs to pass out in bed next to my hubby who has already been snoozing for an hour and I'm left laying there with the wheels in my head turning at rapid speed trying to comprehend just how and why the last 24 hours passed quicker than I could even pause long enough to wash my hair or empty the dishwasher.  Where is the time going??  

The other night Todd and I sat on the couch together flipping through old videos of Nick on our cell phones.  Video's of him as a baby.  A baby that just cooed and giggled.  A baby learning to sit up.  A baby learning to stand on his own - to push a walking toy - to walk unassisted.  A baby learning to eat solid foods and clap.  And it took everything in me to not dissolve into a puddle of tears. At one point Todd had to say "don't cry honey!" to which I couldn't help but reply "do you ever feel like we missed Nick being a baby?"  And I was actually surprised to hear Todd say "yes." 

And now we know more than ever before that we're ready for another baby.

When Nick was an infant, we spent so much of our time worrying about whether or not we were "doing things right", that neither of us feel as though we really spent the appropriate amount of time just enjoying him being a baby.  We spent so much time panicking about getting him fed on his set schedule and making sure he was home in time for bed.  Worrying about letting him cry it out versus sleeping in our bed.  Worrying about putting him in too many layers, or not enough layers for bed.  I often look back at pictures of Nick at 6, 7, 8 months old and think "I feel like it went so fast...I didn't get to just relish in him being so little". 

And I know this is common - especially with your first baby - especially when you've never been around babies before - to just be worried that you're even keeping them alive properly.  But there's just so many times that I wish we could rewind a bit.  Keep our 6 month old up just a bit past his bedtime so we can watch him fall asleep on our shoulders in a crowded restaurant, as people ooh and ahh over his cuteness.  Run to check on our crying 3 month old at 3 am, just to spend an extra 30 minutes gazing down at his sweet face as he finishes his bottle.  Ignoring the sheer exhaustion and just embracing how much it's all worth it.

I feel like I'm going to wake up tomorrow and Nick is going to be kissing me goodbye as he runs to the school bus.  Sitting me down at the kitchen table to help with his English homework (because Lord knows his dad will be helping with the math homework).  Asking me for permission to drive my car to take his girlfriend to the school dance.  Graduating high school.  Leaving home to go to college.  Getting married.  Having his own kids. 

I can't even think about it.

Then again, one day when Nick has his own kids, and my main worry will no longer be keeping the babies on schedule, but instead smothering them with love and kisses and tickling an 8 month old until he can hardly breathe from so much giggling...then maybe I'll feel like I truly get to enjoy a baby for just what it is -- a baby.  I guess that's why my parents love being grandparents so much.  All the enjoyment, none of the responsibility.

But I'm just not ready to think about any of the above.  I need time to slow down.  I need to make the time to relish in all things two-years-old.  Because if there's one thing I've learned, it's that he will never be this age again. 

I once thought the quote "the days are long, but the years are far too short" applied to us.  But now I'm not so sure.  I feel as though the days are far too short, and the years pass far too quickly.  But such is life.  And we have no choice but to make the most of every second we are given here on earth.  So please excuse me for ending this here, but I have to take a cute little red headed toddler to the playground -- and spend some time going down the slides and playing in the dirt with him.  Because once this moment has passed, I know I won't get it back.

Happy 2nd Birthday, Baby Boy!

Two years old.

Two years of fun.

Two years of tears.

Two years of poopy diapers, toddler hugs and kisses, and sleepless nights.

Two years of watching my heart walk around outside of my body.

I'm not sure how it's possible, but every single day I feel as if I love you a million times more than I did the day before.

Every day you change, grow, become more of a little person and less of an un-opinionated baby.

I love this stage...this age.  Even with the tantrums.  Even with the middle of the night wake-up calls. I love every single thing about you.

Watching your face scrunch up into an almost embarrassed grin as I use a funny voice while reading to you.

Seeing you learn to jump, climb, reach, pull, slide, carry, and DO - all with purpose and determination.

Hearing you dissolve into a puddle of giggles as you wrestle with your daddy.

Feeling you wrap your little arms around my neck - squeezing my cheeks with your tiny hands - planting your little lips smack on mine.

Your innocence.

And knowing that you are all mine.  All ours.  And we created you.

There are days when your daddy and I will be standing in the kitchen, chatting or washing and drying dishes together, when you'll come barreling in on your bike, hop off with ease, and throw your arms around one of our legs in a bear hug, squealing with glee at the fact that your favorite people are in your presence.  And I'll look at your daddy and say "I still can't believe there is another person living in our house...a little person that WE made!"  Your daddy will always respond coolly with something along the lines of "hey, we do good work".  And I know how much pride he has swelling inside of him, for the son he calls his own. 

Just as I feel it couldn't be possible to love you more than I already do, I know your daddy feels the same way.  I watch his love and admiration for you grow ten-fold every time he lays eyes on you.  Every time he opens the door after a long day at work and you run into his arms yelling "Da Da! Da Da!"  Every time you lean your little head towards his in your own "guy code" kind of snuggle...I see another little piece of him soften. 

I remember crying in disbelief, the week we brought you home from the hospital, at how our lives would never be the same.  Worried.  Frightened.  Unsure if I was prepared for the change in our normal routine.  Sad that it would never again be just your daddy and I.  And now I find myself crying in disbelief that I ever felt that way.  I am still worried, frightened, and unsure of our every day lives, as well as our future.  But the one thing that I am always sure of is you.  You ARE our life.  You ARE our future.

Every single day with you is better than the day before.  You are hilarious and keep all of us in stitches.  Even when you get angry or upset, we have to cover our faces to keep you from seeing us laugh.  Both because we don't want you to think we condone the tantrums, but also to keep you from getting your feelings hurt as you are a tad on the sensitive side.  All traits you get from me.

And then there's your easy going and loving nature.  You're content to do your own thing, get totally wrapped up in any cartoon you may be watching or toy you may be playing with, and love anyone that you consider to be "one of your people" with depth and commitment.  All traits you get from your daddy.

There is no way to verbalize, or even attempt to fully comprehend, the emotions that consume my body and mind when it comes to you.  So I won't even try.  Because I could never properly put into words just how much I love you.

You are my heart.  You are my soul.

Happy 2 years, baby boy.