I thought by now I'd have the hang of taking Nick to daycare every morning. I guess I physically have the hang of it, but my emotions haven't caught on yet.
Why do I feel so sad every morning when I drop him off and turn and walk back to my car? The minute the door shuts behind me, I feel this overwhelming sense of guilt that I should be spending more time with him. And my heart starts to ache from how much I miss him the minute I can no longer see him.
Every morning, I get up with Nick and share some smiles and kisses and cuddles. I dress him, get him all ready to go, throw some clothes on myself, and head out the door. I drop him off at daycare between 7:00am - 7:30am. Then I come back home, and work in my home office until about 10:00am, when I head in to my actual office.
But while I'm working from my home office in the morning, I can't help but feel like I should have Nick at home with me. I feel like we should be playing and laughing. I know I'm supposed to be working, but I feel guilty that he's not with me. And I miss him so much. I want to relish in the short time that he will be an infant, and make the most of his babyhood.
Granted, by the time I head in to my office at 10:00am, I am usually feeling a bit better...but every morning it's the same feelings on repeat -- sad to drop him off; guilty that he's not with me; missing him; wondering what he's doing at daycare; feeling like I should have been the one to give him that first morning bottle...
Am I alone in feeling this way? Is there a way to accept our routine and not beat myself up over it? Does anyone out there want to give me a million dollars so that I can just stay home with him every day?? Anyone?!?
1 comment:
I'd give you a million if I had it!!
You are the best mom you can be because Nick gets taken care of so well while you're fulfilling your responsibilities to you and your family. He'll grow up knowing that he's loved so much that you had him someplace where a loving caregiver can give him the attention he deserves and needs.
It's still hard. And who am I kidding? I don't have to do drop-off, so I'm never in that position. I'd probably boo hoo every single day.
Heeheee...
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