I have to post my 24 week update, but before I work up the creativity to do so, I just wanted to document my mini emotional break-down that occurred last night.
I thought I was fine. Thought my emotions were in check. Todd and I were standing in the kitchen, as he made dinner, discussing our days and things going on over the next few days/weeks/etc. I told him I had been craving Chinese food but knew we shouldn't spend the money and he heartily agreed that we should be saving and that the salt content would be bad for my water retention. Then he said something about how he was going to have a fire in the fireplace later that night, and while I knew he meant he was going to have the fire and watch football, I suggested "wanna watch a movie by the fire?" -- because we haven't spent any one-on-one time together in the past 5 weeks. Knowing fully well that he wanted to watch Monday night football, he responded to me with a smile and joking tone "but Gossip Girl is all new tonight! you don't want to miss that!" So I dropped my head, said "never mind" and walked out of the room. I sat down on the couch and felt the lump in my throat expand. So I walked upstairs, laid down on the bed, and proceeded to cry my eyes out.
About 10 minutes later, Todd yelled up "honey, dinner's ready". So I dried my face, and came downstairs. Todd was staring at me as I loaded my plate up with spaghetti. Finally he broke the silence and said "honey, what's wrong?" and I of course responded like a typical girl and said "nothing, I'm fine." He said "then why are your eyes and face all red?" And I started to cry again.
Poor guy. Didn't know what to do, or what hit him. He said "did you have a bad day at work?" and I sobbed back "noooo". He said "did I do something??" and I hiccuped back "no *hiccup* you *hiccup* didn't." So he sweetly said "what's wrong then?" and all I could say was "I'm pregnant!!" And then a flood of things poured out of my mouth. How I feel stressed and overwhelmed and scared and nervous and we haven't had any time for just the two of us in over a month and I'm tired of cleaning the house and changing all the guest room sheets every weekend for new company and I feel like I'm getting huge fast and people feel the need to comment...and while none of it was really important or detrimental, it just all added up to one big stress ball that needed releasing.
And I've now decided that Todd must have read at least a couple of notes in the "Idiot's pocket guide to having a pregnant wife" that's sitting on his nightstand, because for the first time in over 3 years, instead of feeling like he needed to "fix the problem" and ask me questions to hash out a solution to my crying (as he usually does)...he just hugged me, and kissed my forehead, and told me it was ok. And he let me leave mascara and snot stains on his t-shirt sleeve. Now that's love. And magically I felt better. We ate spaghetti, and I felt relieved.
After dinner, Todd wanted to clean up. Which he rarely wants to do when he cooks (we do the "you cook, I'll clean" trade off). He scrubbed pots and put dishes in the dishwasher. All normal things -- but I could tell he was doing them out of care and concern for me...and to prevent a follow-up melt down on my part.
This morning as I was still snoozing away and Todd was heading out the door for work, he bent over and kissed me goodbye (as per the usual) and said "we can have Chinese food for dinner tonight. I love you!"
Man, I'm a lucky girl. :)
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