After the honeymoon...

Yesterday I had a particularly tough day at work. As I shed a few tears at my desk, due to a combination of mommy hormones, that-time-of-the-month emotions, and general haven't-had-a-good-cry-in-a-while" feelings, I thought to myself "this whole being a grown up thing is for the birds".

From the time we are born, up until the time we leave the nest and head out on our own, there is always someone else accountable for our actions and feelings. Our biggest concerns grow from worrying about who will play with us on the playground, to who will sit with us at lunch, to who will ask us to the prom.

Eventually the worries stem into passing all of your college classes, getting a job, and falling in love with a great person that will genuinely want to be your other half for the next 50+ years. Then for at least a year, all worries revolve around if your husbands crazy distant Aunt is going to bring a surprise guest to the wedding, or if the chicken will taste as good as the flowers look, and finally if you'll get lucky on the honeymoon (which, seriously, who doesn't?)

But what happens after the honeymoon?

Suddenly the homework you dreaded for years is gone...and replaced with glorious housework. Studying is replaced with keeping up with current events so you don't look like an idiot at your next family gathering. Writing down your homework assignments is replaced with writing down your life assignments...figuring out schedules, making sure every one's appointments are made and everyone gets there on time. Worrying about who will hang out with you after school is replaced with worrying if your coworkers will talk about you at the water cooler. Debating the chicken vs. beef wedding menu is replaced with debating P90x vs. the cabbage soup diet. Worrying about your obscure wedding guests is replaced with worrying about blood pressure -- your blood pressure, your spouses blood pressure, your parents blood pressure, your friends blood pressure, and your boss's blood pressure. And suddenly you realize it's not just your own ass that you're watching, but now it's everyone you know.

Then toss a baby in that mix. And your worries about everything and everyone multiply by ten thousand. Suddenly those worries about your housework getting done are infinitely more important because "oh my God, what if the baby rolls off his play mat on to the floor and there's an old stink bug in the corner that I haven't vacuumed up yet and he gets it in his mouth?!" And the worries about your blood pressure escalate because you can't help but think "what if my blood pressure gets so out of hand that something happens to me and I have to leave the baby with his daddy and how the hell will he know how to make pureed squash and flush the solid turds down the toilet and pick out matching clothes to wear to daycare, and oh my God my blood pressure just skyrocketed thinking about it".

Every day becomes a huge tangled mess of emotion. In one second you start to cry thinking about how you could ever survive without one of these crucial people in your life...and in the same breath, you can't help but grin wildly at the thought of how many awesome people make up the very core of who you are. And the strain on your heart is so great that most days you think you'll burst from how happy AND how scared you are. The little voice in your head is constantly ringing in your ears with the echo of "when is something bad going to happen? when is my happy world going to be completely rocked?" And you have to step back, yell at the voices (internally of course), and remind yourself that you can't worry about something until there's something to worry about.

Until the next day when the dog barfs up part of a diaper and suddenly you realize you haven't been giving the dog your full attention either and "Oh my God, now I'm crying because I'm a terrible dog parent!"

And all of these things that happen after the honeymoon: The worrying, the crying, the celebrating, the worrying again, the panic, the joy, and the sheer love that you suddenly feel for everyone you care about? That's all part of being a grown up. And you've always been capable of these feelings...you just didn't know it -- Until you became a grown up. And man, is it hard.

So what REALLY happens after the honeymoon?

Well, it all boils down to one simple word: Life.

And boy, is it worth it.