On being proud

This morning was one of those moments in my life where I suddenly realized just how deep a mother's pride for her children can run.  It's not that I'm not always proud of Nick - because believe me, I am ALWAYS proud of Nick (which can be easily seen through the 9.7 million pictures of him posted on my facebook...I can't help it, that blue-eyed, dimple-cheeked, red-headed, teethy-smile toddler is so yummy, I just HAVE to share!).  But this morning was different.  This morning, he said two words that I had never heard him even attempt before.  And I understood them.  And I cheered and clapped and felt as though my heart was going to burst out of my chest, I was so damn proud.  I got in my car and got teary-eyed. 

As the mom of a potentially apraxic child, every time Nick even attempts to say a word or sound, or repeat something I ask him, I celebrate his efforts with clapping and a "great job, buddy!"  But rarely do his attempts sound like the actual word he is trying to get out.  We get "ooooo" for "moo" and "kack" for "quack", as I've mentioned before.  And we get a handful of other sounds (for instance "mmmmm!" every single time he eats something he likes) or words here and there, but rarely something new or different than what is already in his repertoire.  As of lately, his favorite word is "Hi!" which he says to everyone and anyone he comes in contact with. 

And when Nick gets mad or frustrated?  Yeah, I'm pretty sure he goes on a tangent of angry curse words because homeboy can do some yelling.  You know those parents that get upset when someone curses in front of their child?  Yeah, not in our house.  We're hopeful one day Nick will yell out "OH SHIT!" because a) that would just validate his speaking ability, and b) is there anything funnier than a toddler that curses?  I mean seriously?  (For the record, if he does this, we will laugh, we will be proud of his speech, and then we will correct him and teach him about bad words...just in case the parent police are reading this.)

But we rarely get actual repeat words when asked.

Today, however -- today was different.  As we were walking into daycare this morning, Nick was doing his usual routine of pointing out all of his favorite objects on the way in -- the mailbox, the trees, the neighbor's house, the babysitters car, the playground in the backyard -- and I happily named all of them, as I do every morning.  But as we were about 10 feet from the door, a squirrel ran by us and I said "Nick!  Look at that squirrel!" And damn if he didn't point, grin, and say "quirrel!"  Sure, there was no 's' on the front, but it was clear as day that he was saying squirrel.

We went into the babysitters house and I, beaming with pride, said "Nick just said squirrel!!"  To which the babysitter said "You did?!  Good job, Nick!  Can you say squirrel??" and damn if he didn't, just as clear as the first time, repeat back "quirrel!"

My heart.  I about keeled over.  But before I could even react, he ran over to the breakfast table, picked up a banana, turned and grinned at me again and said "banana!"

Seriously?!  Who are you and what have you done with my kid?!

I know that it is very common for apraxic kids to say a word - very clearly - one time and then never say it again, but even to hear it just one time (and in the case of the squirrel, twice in a row!), it was truly one of the most prideful moments in my mommy life to date.  The therapy is working.  The efforts we are putting in are working.  And he is finally "getting it".  He WANTS to talk.  And he WILL talk.

I can't even put down in words just how truly proud I am.  I know there are kids out there that are Nick's age that are talking in full sentences, singing full songs, possibly even writing their dissertations.  And I also can't even explain how much it hurts my heart to see these kids and wonder when Nick will be able to talk like that.  But today it didn't matter.  Because my kid?  He said "squirrel" and "banana" this morning.  Before 8:30am.  And I couldn't be more thrilled.

I can totally see it now...I'm gonna be that parent that's bringing flowers and screaming and whistling and whooping it up during my kids first grade play...even if he's just playing a tree.

Mom pride -- it's a powerful thing.