Babies don't keep. And neither do toddlers.

Today, I have a huge weight on my chest.  Not like the weight of carrying around 20 lbs of boob while 9 months pregnant, heavy.  This is an inside my heart, emotions, and mind, kind of weight.

Last night, for some inexplicable reason, Nick woke up at 11:45pm.

He went to bed easily - as he does almost every night - falling asleep just after 8pm, as his head hit the pillow.

But less than 4 hours later, he woke up, hopped out of bed, and went to his favorite spot -- behind his bedroom door, nervously jiggling the child-proof handle, softly crying out "Mommy, come back!"  It truly is as heartbreaking as it sounds.

At least, it was the first two times.

So, even though I had stayed up to watch The Bachelor, then followed it up with a terrible DVR recording of MTV's True Life "I'm a new millionaire", and had just crawled in bed mere seconds before Nick woke up, I put on my mommy pants (let's be serious, I was already sleeping in them - full panel maternity leggings!), and tip-toed down the hall to his room.

Once inside, the tears on his face were enough to put me into full on protector mode, and I scooped him up and snuggled him onto my lap.  We rocked and hugged and I "shhhh'd" his tear-soaked hiccups as he delicately pointed to his bedroom door saying "want to go mommy's room".

I calmly explained that he needed to sleep in his big boy bed all night because it was such a cool bed, and his stuffed animals were all sleepy and needed him to keep them company.

After about 10 minutes of this wheeling and dealing, I told him "mommy needs to go potty...can I leave for a minute?"  To which, surprisingly, he said "ok" and hopped back in his bed.  I tucked him back in, kissed him goodnight a few times, and quietly shut the door behind me.

Feeling pretty damn accomplished, I climbed back into bed - only slightly shoving Whinnie out of the way (why she thinks it's ok to completely commandeer my side of the bed the minute I get out of it, no matter how many times I pick her up and move her, I will never understand) - and laid back down.

Only, when Nick wakes up in the middle of the night?  There's no chance of me going back to sleep until he does.  Call it mommy's intuition...call it the downside of a video monitor...regardless, I cannot seem to keep myself from anxiously watching his little eyes on the monitor as they grow heavy...no matter how heavy mine might be as well.

But this time?  His eyes never grew heavy.

An hour later and he was still laying there staring into the darkness.  But?  He wasn't out of bed.  He wasn't crying.  He wasn't even making a sound.  So I placed my glasses on my nightstand, rolled over, and closed my eyes.

And three seconds later, I hear "COME BACK MOMMY!" followed by a horrendous round of heavy sobs.  I mean, seriously -- is this a two way video monitor?  How did he know I had JUST decided to go to sleep?

At this point, Todd - who had been asleep for a couple of hours, and had to get up in just a couple more - reached over and rubbed my arm.  "Don't go in, honey" he whispered, "he needs to learn to go back to sleep on his own."  And he was right.  SO right.  I mean, we've been battling 'cry-it-out' with Nick for 3 years.  3 YEARS!  Why won't he sleep??  It's not every night.  But it's at least a couple times a week. And at 9 months pregnant, uncomfortable, already annoyed by the world, and with a blood pressure that's creeping up to the danger zone, it's enough to make anyone crazy.

So I tried.  I tried to let Nick cry for a while.  But after about 10 minutes of heaving sobs and calling out for me, I broke again.

I trudged down the hall, entered his room, and again melted into a puddle of emotion when I saw his face.  Once more, I scooped him up, held him tightly to my chest, and rocked him back and forth. 

And the entire scene from about an hour and a half earlier played out again in the same fashion.

Shhh'ing.

Hiccuping.

Pointing at the door.

Asking to go to mommy's room.

Rocking.

Snuggling.

Tear wiping.

And then I told him this time I needed a drink of water.  And again, he hopped into his bed.  I tucked him in again, and he happily grabbed his bear and puppy and even cracked a smile saying "dis my bear!"  I kissed him no less than 20 times, told him how much I loved him and how proud I was of him for being a big boy who was going to stay in his room and sleep in his bed all night, and was confident we were out of the woods again.  I know I personally feel like taking a huge nap after a big cry-fest.  So why wouldn't a sleep-deprived toddler feel the same way?

So I went back to bed.  Closed my eyes.  And I *think* managed to get about 45 minutes of sleep.  I can't be sure, because at this point I had not really slept all night.

But sure enough, around 2:30am, I heard him get out of bed and start up the crying again.  And instead of feeling sympathetic, I got frustrated.  I needed sleep.  HE needed sleep.  Todd had to get up for work in 2 hours. 

I flung open my bedroom door, flung open Nick's bedroom door, and demanded he just come with me to sleep in our bed.  I took his pacifier, his bear, and tossed them on his bed saying "bear and pacifier sleep in Nick's bed, so they can't come".  Which of course only made him scream louder.  And I gave right back in and gave them back.  Then he begged me to "carry you" (meaning, carry ME), to which I refused and said "no, go to mommy's room!"  He cried harder, I told him I couldn't pick him up, and to go to mommy's room.

Yes, I jsut about lost my temper.

On my not-quite-three-year-old.  Who is still learning emotions.  And doesn't understand middle of the night frustration, when all he wants is to be snuggled and calmed and loved by the person he trusts most.  Mommy.

He finally followed me down the hall, and we both climbed into bed.  I covered him up, rolled over, and went to sleep.

And at some point, he fell asleep, too.

But when I woke up this morning - after only a few short, very interrupted, hours of sleep, I was still angry.

Angry that I couldn't figure out why he was upset.  Angry that I couldn't seem to calm him down.  Angry that I didn't know how to make him go back to sleep or convince him that his room and bed were better than sharing our queen size with two grown adults (one of whom is hugely pregnant), and a snoring, gassy dog.  Nope - for some reason that sounded way more appealing to him than sprawling out in his very! own! fire! truck! bed!

So I woke up annoyed.  And I woke him up.  When he probably needed at least 2 more hours of sleep.  I made him get dressed, as he crankily protested.  He laid on daddy's pillow as I threw on several layers, anticipating the icy cold drive to daycare.  I didn't even brush my hair or put on any make-up today.  I was that tired.  That NOT in the mood.

We went downstairs, and he sweetly pointed out all of his toys to me, politely asked me for some milk and fruit loops, and patiently allowed me to put on his shoes, hat, coat, and mittens. We loaded into the car and drove off to daycare.  My frustration started to melt away as he announced different colors of fruit loops to me, and told me his favorite color was green.

I pulled up to daycare, unbuckled his seat belt, hoisted him out, and he placed his head on my shoulder and asked "carry you?"

And a knot started to grow in my stomach.

As I carried him in to daycare - ignoring the fact that he is probably way to heavy for me to be carrying at this point in the game - he wrapped his arms around my neck, announced "it's a chilly day!" and leaned over to kiss me right on the lips.

I opened the door to daycare, ushered him inside, and shut the door as I heard him say "hug for mommy!  hug for mommy!" with his arms spread wide.  Despite the bitter cold, I pushed the door back open and wrapped him in a big hug.  Said goodbye, and headed back to the car.

And that's when I realized the knot in my stomach - the huge weight on my chest - was because my frustration was all for naught.  What was the point of it?  Last night, all he wanted was to be cuddled and loved by mommy.  And all I wanted was a peaceful night's sleep.  And if that meant both - ALL - of us squashed onto one bed, who cares?  Who was judging me at 3am?  Certainly not him!

The old saying "babies don't keep" is so true.  My toddler is and always will be my baby.  No matter how big he gets.  And while sometimes I think he should be much more mature for 3 years old, and should know how to sleep through the night, I have to remind myself that we're both still learning.  And someday I'll be longing to hold his tiny body in the middle of the night.  To stroke his little hands while they can still easily be enclosed by mine.  To wipe his tiny tears and breathe in his hair as he curls into the crook of my neck.  And to relish in hearing his little voice say "I wuv you too, mommy".  Because babies don't keep.  And toddlers don't keep either. 

Low Sodium Style

So.  My blood pressure is starting to creep up again.

To say I'm upset about it is an understatement.

Not to sound all "whoa is me" whiny, but this totally sucks.  For more than one reason.

A) I don't want to have to see a specialist every week.  Because for starters, our hospital is much further than last time, so the gas mileage would suck.  And because our insurance blows huge chunks this time around the thought of all the bills we would rack up from seeing a specialist each week only makes my blood pressure rise even more.  It's a vicious cycle.

B) I don't want to worry about bed rest, early hospitalization, early delivery, risk to our baby boy, or risk to myself.

C) I don't want to have to take blood pressure meds.

D) I don't want to be a swollen marshmallow again.  I can currently still see my ankles, and my fingers don't feel like sausages about to pop -- yet.  And I particularly like it this way.

The best thing I can do right now really is to watch my salt intake.  Which, in all honesty, I have been a thousand times better about from day 1 this go-round anyway.  I haven't been adding salt to anything, and I've been trying to pick better options when possible...but I have admittedly fallen into the easy pregnancy trap of "eh, eat whatever the hell you want", and it's coming back to kick me in the ass.

So this morning, after dropping Nick at daycare, I swung by the grocery store to pick up a few low sodium foods for quick breakfast & lunch options.  Just a couple of things, as we're going out of town this weekend and Todd has promised to take me for a serious low-sodium shopping trip next week.

I grabbed bananas, raspberries, cucumbers, tomatoes, baby carrots, Swiss cheese (surprisingly low sodium!), no salt added cottage cheese, low sodium English muffins, Greek yogurt cream cheese, low sodium turkey breast, bag salad, fresh made salsa, and jalapenos (the ultimate no salt spice addition!).

And I started my morning by toasting up an English muffin, spreading just a dab of Greek yogurt cream cheese on each side, and topped them with a slice of onion, tomato, some diced red pepper, and sliced jalapeno.

And then I shocked myself when it was not only delicious, but filling as well.

Hopefully I'll be able to translate this into all of my meals.  I should go back and pull up the posts I did during my pregnancy with Nick...I distinctly remember Todd making me dinner of chicken & spinach while he dined on hot dogs and mac & cheese.  And I'm sure we'll be doing a bit of the same this go 'round.  But here's hoping this time we caught it early enough, and I'll be able to bring my blood pressure down enough to not have to worry about seeing a specialist each week.

If you have ANY low sodium foods or recipes to recommend, PLEASE SHARE!  I need all the help and encouragement I can get!

Weekend in review

I keep finding myself being overcome with short bursts of weepiness where I'll look at Nick and panic at the thought of soon having to share myself with another little human.  I get all teary-eyed thinking this will be his last Christmas as an only child.  And then, just as quickly, I remind myself that he's not ever going to remember this far back and will only know holiday's, big life events, and every day happenings as a sibling...he won't ever remember life without his little brother.  Which makes me feel better, until I then remember that life with just one toddler is actually super easy right now, and soon we're going to be going back to sleepless nights and constant head scratching wondering what the hell this baby is crying about...only now we'll get to do so while also trying to squash a toddler tantrum brought on by being sent to time out for clocking me in the head with a toy pirate ship for no good damn reason.

To say I'm nervous is an understatement.  The one thing bringing me calm in all of this is knowing just how fleeting these moments are.  I mean it feels like just yesterday that I was a big puddle of post-partum depression, sitting in the living room, holding my 6.5 lb Nicholas in my arms and crying that my life would never ever be the same again.  And while it hasn't ever been the same again, it's been SO much better.  And holy shit, has it been fast.  He's almost 3.  We've almost been married 5 years.  We're almost parents to TWO kids.  I'm almost middle-aged.  And good lord, let's not even talk about the gray hair sprouting from my 2 inch long roots.  Apparently I need a spa day.  Stat.  But I'm too much of a whale to want to disrobe for a massage.  Also, apparently I'm full of excuses.  Tears and excuses.  And a little bit of hot-tempered rage.  That's me these days.  Thank God for the ability to blame hormones (and gas) on pregnancy.  

ANYway.  This weekend was one of our last calm, at home weekends before the whirlwind of the holiday's and baby planning takes over.

We started out Friday evening with having Mom & Dad over for dinner before Todd and Dad headed to the LB football game and Mom and I spent some time cracking up at Nick before he headed to bed, and we cozied up on the couch to watch The Vow.  It was a great movie, but didn't end exactly as I thought it would.  Regardless, it was nice to sit on the couch with mom and watch a chick-flick.  And have someone else cry with me for a change.

Saturday morning we lounged in our PJ's for half the day while we browsed nursery sets online.  Since I had finally picked out and purchased Nick's toddler room set last week, we were motivated to get the nursery picked out as well.  After deciding on a simple Nautica bed set at Buy Buy Baby, we headed out for an afternoon of errands - and even picked up our new car seat from an extremely generous friend!  It's a Chicco Keyfit and I can't even begin to explain how thrilled I am that it has two bases.  That means one base in EACH car!  Thrilling, I tell ya.

Saturday evening I tried a new Pinterest pizza roll recipe, that while it turned out ok, wasn't my favorite.  Think I'll stick to the old stand-by for future pizza rolls.  Then we spent the evening watching football and relaxing.

Sunday we started off with a pancake breakfast - in which Nick ate 4 pancakes AND a whole banana (color me surprised) - followed by more lounging in PJ's all morning. 

After lunch, Todd graciously volunteered to take me to get a manicure, while he sat in the car listening to football as Nick napped in the back seat.  It was so relaxing to get a few minutes of pampering.  After my manicure we headed out to Herndon to meet up with some friends for an afternoon of Farm fun!  We went to Frying Pan Farm for the first time and while it was windy and chilly (and I failed to dress appropriately), Nick was sufficiently bundled up and loved looking at all the farm animals up close and personal!  I think it's safe to say the cows were his favorite part, considering every person that has since asked him "Nick, what did you see at the farm!?" has been rewarded with a very excited answer of "COWS!" 

After our farm adventure, we headed back to the Hoffmann's house for pizza and actual adult conversation while the kids played.  It was so nice to actually get to spend some time chatting with other parents, and also pick Lauren's brain on some of the toddler transitioning they've done (potty training, big boy bed, etc.) since her son is exactly one year (to the day!) older than Nick.  And she's due next month - two months before me - with baby #2, so it's a pretty safe bet that I'll be sending her an abundance of annoying messages asking for advice on mommying 2 kiddos.  I swear, I don't have any clue how our parents managed without facebook, cell phones & text messaging, and google. 

Monday was Veteran's Day, so I got to have my two boys home with me and again we hung out in our PJ's most of the day playing and teaching Nick how to catch a ball.  While he's still working on getting the hang of it, every now and then he would catch the ball and when he did, he would yell as loud as possible "YAYYYYYYY!!!  I DID IT!!!!!!!"  There are truly few things in this world as rewarding as watching your child get excited over an accomplishment - especially when it's an accomplishment you taught them. 

We also spent Monday doing an abundance of reading.  Nick's latest favorite book is one that belonged to my brother as a child - "Pano the Train".  It's a little golden book, and while it's a bit long, Nick loves that it requires me to say "tooooot toooot!" "ding ding!" and "chugga-chugga!" over and over.  So much so, that even when I'm too busy to read it at that exact moment, he'll come into whatever room I'm in, take a seat, and read it to me.  Cutest. Thing. Ever.

We rounded out our long weekend by finally fulfilling my Mexican food craving with dinner with my family at Plaza Azteca.  I ate my weight in chips, salsa, guacamole, enchiladas and all things cheesy, and it was totally worth the gurgling in my stomach this morning.  (Sadly I forgot to take any pics at Plaza because I was too busy shoveling food in my pie hole.)

It was a relaxing, calm weekend spent enjoying my family and friends.  Just what I needed to recharge my batteries before the hustle and bustle of the holidays.  Which, seriously, can you believe Thanksgiving is just a little more than two weeks away?  Not that I'm complaining...because this preggo can't wait to put down some fried turkey and mashed potatoes.  Bring it on!

26 & 27 weeks

Since I'll be 27 weeks tomorrow, I figured I'd just combine weeks 26 and 27 into one post.

How far along are you? 26 weeks, 6 days - 27 weeks tomorrow, and officially entering the third trimester.  HOLY CRAP.

How I'm feeling: Still good!  By the end of the day I have a bit of discomfort in my back and top of my belly from the weight of it, and I cannot keep my eyes open past 10pm (and now 9pm with DST change), but otherwise I'm doing great!

Total weight gain: I still really don't know.  Unlike most preggo ladies, I prefer not to know.  I figure once baby boy 2 is out, I'll weigh myself for a jumping off point, and hopefully be able to get into a good routine to shed the extra pounds...but while it's piling on?  Don't wanna know...

Blood pressure check: Still feels good...but I won't know exactly where it's hanging until I go back to my OB next week.

Cool baby facts: In week 26 he started inhaling & exhaling little bits of amniotic fluid -- essential for lung/breathing development, his ears are starting to become even more sensitive so he's likely able to hear Daddy and Big Brother when we all talk, and his scrotum is starting to descend (oh boy!).  In week 27 he is now opening & closing his eyes and possibly sucking on his fingers.  Nick was never a thumb-sucker...just never really made much connection there, so I wonder if this little guy will be!

How big is baby?  Baby is now about 2 lbs (size of a head of cauliflower) and about 14.5 inches long (length of a scallion).  There's so much produce in my belly!  Baby Center says while he would require a LOT of help, he would be viable if born now at 27 weeks.  But we're gonna keep him cooking for at minimum 10 more weeks!

Sleep: Sleep is fine.  Every night is pretty much the same.  Todd goes up to bed at least an hour/hour and a half before I do, at which point I attempt to watch something mindless on TV before passing out, waking just before midnight and dragging my ass up to bed.  I'm then up at least once, but usually twice to pee through the night.  And when I do wake up, my mouth is like the Sahara desert, and I NEED a drink of water.  The snoogle made it into our bed sometime last week or so, and has been super helpful in the comfort department...although it takes up as much room as another person, which is tough when you have a queen size bed and share it with the world's largest 23 lb dog, and occasional sick or sad toddler...

Maternity Clothes: This goes without saying.  I only wear maternity pants...and pretty much only maternity shirts, unless they were already over sized pre-pregnancy.  I'm at the point in pregnancy where no matter what I put on, I feel like I look terrible.  I'm ready to have a baby in my arms and a waistline again.

Best moment this week:  We've had some great moments!  Nick is FINALLY better!  He has been on 1.5 weeks of Augmentin and is finally back to sleeping in his own bed all night.  We also celebrated my Dad's 60th birthday twice (dinner at Chili's last Tuesday and then a bday lunch at my parents over the weekend), had a great Halloween with our adorable elephant Nick, and have enjoyed listening to Nick really turn into a big boy overnight. I can't wait to see him take on the role of big brother...I just know he's going to be the perfect guy for the job!

Movement: He's still a casual mover. Particularly in the morning when I sit down at the computer to work, or in the evening when I sit down on the couch or lay down in bed.  When I'm up and about is when he's most content to just hang out...and when I take a break is when he's ready to kick!  He also has a knack for positioning himself under my ribs or down low above my hip which can be super uncomfortable.

Food cravings:  This week I wanted brie.  I bought some (I know, the horror of soft cheese during pregnancy!  Did you know it's just unpasteurized cheese that you shouldn't eat?  Which pretty much all cheese sold at the grocery store IS pasteurized...so shut it.)  Anyway, I bought some, had one little bite, and haven't wanted anymore.  Otherwise I can still drink skim milk by the gallon.  Oh and after having one tiny pack of Haribo gummy bears out of Nick's Halloween haul, I HAD to go buy a big bag - of which I am enjoying.

Food aversions:  Can't think of anything...I'll pretty much eat anything, as long as I'm "in the mood" for it...but if it doesn't sound good at the moment, I'll pass.

Belly button in or out: Still in.  Still a big hole.  Still ugly.  Still no linea negra. 

What I miss: My wedding rings.  I've officially retired them to the jewelry box and it makes me so sad.  I feel naked not wearing them, but when I put them on, the rash on my finger (that won't seem to go away even when I don't wear them) flares up times a million and hurts.  Plus my fingers are starting to swell just a bit, and wearing rings just makes them look like stuff sausages.   

What I'm looking forward to: Thanksgiving, Christmas, doing Nick's big boy room and the nursery...and not feeling stressed about the fact that we have 3 months (as of today!) until Baby Boy 2's due date, and NOTHING done to prepare.

Randoms: I'm in a bizarre nesting mode.  Some days I start to clean or organize something and I end up doing the whole house, and even wind up baking or making something.  Other days I can't even seem to take a shower.  I'm sure Todd appreciates the nesting days far more than the stinky days.  Also, I think I mentioned this before, but my hormones with this pregnancy are so much different than with Nick.  With Nick, I cried so easily...this time around I get pissed off easily.  With Nick, I didn't lose any hair and my nails were so strong...this time around, I lose a big clump every time I shower, and my nails peel or break easily.  With Nick, my skin looked great...this time around, I'm so itchy everywhere that I'm glad I don't have to wear summer clothes for fear of anyone seeing my red splotchy skin.  With all these differences, you'd think I was having a girl! 

 

It's hard to believe this baby will be here so soon.  Nick has started saying "I sowwy baby" if he bumps or accidentally kicks my belly when we're playing on the floor.  I'm not sure he really comprehends what is about to happen, but I think he'll do great when his baby brother arrives.  Oh, and we're pretty sure we've settled on a name, but just like with Nick, I can't seem to call the baby by his name while he's in my belly...it just feels odd. 

 

Anyway, here's to the third trimester!

 

 

 

25 weeks

Well, I already suck at posting updates this time around...and after my last update, I missed a week.  I'd love to say it's because I've been SO super busy that I couldn't squeeze in a post, but then I'd be lying.  It's more that every time I think about sitting down to write, I get distracted, or lazy.  But seeing as I'm sitting here at home watching my third episode of Dora this morning as my double-ear-infected toddler plays (read: pulls out every toy and makes a giant mess) on the floor at my feet, I figured now is as good a time as any!

How far along are you? 25 weeks,  4 days

How I'm feeling: Pretty good this week.  Have a cough that is more annoying than anything else...but went to the doctor for it and they said "it's just post-nasal drip".  So that was also annoying.  Not that I can really take anything while pregnant, but it would be nice to have some kind of option to help when I'm hacking up a lung at 2am.

Total weight gain: I have no idea.  More than I wish to know.  And at my last Dr. appt we totally pulled a "don't ask, don't tell".  I didn't ask, and he didn't tell.  And yesterday at my PCP appointment, the nurse said "skip it, or try it?" while pointing to the scale.  Obviously I chose "skip it".

Blood pressure check: I feel it's important to add this section after the complications I had during my pregnancy with Nick.  So far my blood pressure has been incredible.  When I was pregnant with Nick, I went in with it a bit high.  Normal readings for me were borderline high, so when I started to become pre-eclamptic (I have no clue how that's spelled), my blood pressure skyrocketed and went through the roof.  I'm proud to report that every OB appointment so far I have been told "blood pressure is great!!" and just yesterday at the PCP, it was 120/78.  Fingers crossed it stays this way!

Cool baby facts: Baby is starting to put on some baby fat!  And his hair is starting to grow in, which IF we could see it, we could now discern the color of it.  I'm dying to find out if this baby will be a little red head like Nick, or turn out to be a little toe-head like his daddy was. 

How big is baby? He is now approximately 13.5 inches long, but only about 1.5 lbs.  According to BabyCenter, he's the size of "your average rutabaga".  Not that I have any idea what an average rutabaga...or an unaverage one for that matter...looks like.

Sleep: Sleep is still ok.  Still no giant maternity pillow in our bed, though last night I had some discomfort and considered it...but that was quickly squashed by my 2:30am cough attack that in turn woke up the sick toddler who then wanted nothing more than to "google mommy" (aka snuggle).

Maternity Clothes: Yes.  And every time I get dressed, I think "ugh, I have nothing to wear" despite having a fair amount of maternity clothes to choose from.  I'm just at the point where I feel huge no matter what I put on, and in turn think it all looks awful.  My go-to has been a white maternity tee or tank, with a non-maternity open front/over sized cardigan.  And can I just reiterate that I'm so happy to be pregnant in fall/winter again?  Despite the fact that I'm already a warm person to begin with, the thought of having to wear clothes that expose my extra pounds makes me nauseous.  Thank goodness for sweaters, jeans, uggs, and being able to accessorize with big scarves. 

Best moment this week:  Up until this past week, anytime I would lift my shirt and show Nick my belly, he would point to my belly button and exclaim loudly "Whoa!  Big hole!"  But when I showed him this weekend and said "Nick, what's in mommy's belly?" he said "baby!!"  Although he did tell me for the first time last night that this was his baby sister...any other time, he's said "baby brudder!"  He's also started hugging and kissing my belly a bit...but I think that's more so because it's always in the way when he tries to cuddle on my lap. Other great moments this week were spending the weekend at the Lake for the fall festival - despite not knowing that Nick was working on a double ear-infection, he had a blast at the festival and held off on the cranky crying and fever spiking until after the festival. 

Movement: Baby boy loves to move particularly right after breakfast, or as soon as I lay down for bed at night.  He's pretty chilled out otherwise, but he still has quite a bit of room to move as it is.

Food cravings: Nothing particular.  And I'm not choosy between salty or sweet. It's only when I get a food thought into my head that I have to have it.  Like last week, I was dying for homemade chicken soup...so I HAD to make it.  And this morning we decided to go to dinner at Chili's tonight for Dad's birthday and now ALL I can think about is Chili's chips & salsa, and chicken fajitas.  Oh - and it appears my nightly bowl of cocoa puffs has returned.  Trying to squash this and make it only once or twice a week instead of every.single.night.

Food aversions:  Still nothing much.  This morning I was super psyched to make a cup of coffee with pumpkin spice creamer, so I make a pumpkin spice k-cup in the keurig, and then was grossed out by the smell.  Which is totally odd.  I pushed through and drank it anyway and it tasted way better than it smelled.  So strange.

Belly button in or out: Still in.  It never popped out with Nick, just ended up getting flat.  And I totally forgot from when I was preggo with Nick, but I have a freckle inside my belly button that just came back into sight.  Also, I could've sworn my linea negra showed up at this point with Nick, but so far no sign of it at all.  Maybe it won't show up this time?

What I miss: Being able to breathe after just a short walk.  Being comfortable.  Having a waist line.  Being able to wear my wedding rings without further irritating my finger or worrying about swelling.  Pumpkin beer. 

What I'm looking forward to: Finally starting to pull Nick's big boy room together.  It suddenly dawned on me that we only have about 3 months to get it done, and re-do the nursery.  Fortunately the nursery doesn't require much more than a little paint and some new bedding.  But Nick's room is going to be a big task.  Also - if you know of anyone getting rid of a dresser that would be good for a toddler's room, please let me know!

Randoms: I passed my glucose test with flying colors.  My sugars looked great and I'm not anemic.  So far, aside from a bit of discomfort from all my organs being smushed together into my lungs, this pregnancy has been healthy and smooth sailing.  Also of random note - BabyCenter says that my hair should be looking thick and lustrous at this point due to not losing any hair.  My hormones this time around are so out of whack and completely different from my first pregnancy.  My hair is growing so fast and coming in so dark that my roots look ridiculous.  But it's far from thick as I'm losing tons of it every time I shower.  Just ask Nick, who is so over sharing a bathroom with me...every time he takes a bath, he scoops up a handful of my hair and says "icky, mommy!"

 

I can't believe this week is my Dad's 60th birthday and Halloween.  Before we know it, Thanksgiving will have come and gone, and we'll be celebrating Nick's last Christmas as an only child.  Then we'll have just about a month to prep for baby boy #2's arrival.  This pregnancy is flying!

Punkin' Patch

This past weekend we went to the pumpkin patch.  Nick was a doll baby the whole time and absolutely loved running through the "punkin's!", trying to pick up the heavy ones, and rolling the little ones down the hill.

My parents went with us for the first time, and while it was a bit chilly, fairly muddy, and my dad ended up carrying around my mom's purple purse the whole time, it's tough to say who had more fun - them or Nick!  I am confident that come next October they'll be asking us when we'll be going back before we can even pick a date and invite them.  And bonus, next year at this time we'll have another sweet little dude (who will be the same age Nick was at his first visit - 9 months) to add to the mix!

This year we chose to visit Hollins Farm in Delaplane, VA.  It was just enough excitement, entertainment, and pick-your-own produce to keep us busy, while not the least bit overcrowded.  Hollins Farm offered pick your own greens, peanuts, potatoes, and pumpkins, along with a corn maze, animals to look at, and an ice cream stand selling all sorts of fall goodies. 

Upon arrival, we managed to spot a group of owners with their Samoyed's...the same type of dogs my mom grew up with.  Nick, who loves all "puppies" was beside himself and begged to "pet! pet!" the dogs.  After about 15 minutes of petting, we had to pry him away with the promise of more fun to be had.  He had a hard time believing the dogs weren't the main attraction.

Next, we visited the pig/goat pen.  Again, Nick asked to pet the pig and goat, but it wasn't a petting zoo and at the fear of having his little fingers nibbled off, I kept him a safe distance from the fence.

After hanging around for about five minutes, my dad snagged us a wagon (such a great idea for the farm to have several wagons around for people to use), and we were off to the patch.

Nick ran around like a chicken with it's head cut off, and took no less than 10 face-plant spills from getting stuck in the pumpkin vines.  His shoes, jeans, hands and face were caked with mud, and his nose was pouring snot like a fountain, but he was so ridiculously happy that we just went with it.

Posing for pictures was the last thing on Nick's agenda, but I'm hopeful we got a few good family pics on Todd's camera that we can use for Christmas cards this year.  At one point during picture taking, my mom leaned over a bit too far and fell to her knee in the dirt.  Nick, ever the encourager, asked her over and over again "you ok, Gwamma??"  Bless his heart.

After we picked our pumpkins, paid for them, loaded them back in the car, and changed a very loaded diaper, we headed into the corn maze.  Nick took to leading us through the maze like he'd done this a thousand times before.  He giggled and squealed, and picked up fallen ears of corn and rocks.

Finally after weaving our way into and subsequently out of the maze, we all pulled off our muddy shoes and climbed back into dad's Tahoe, tired, cold, and hungry.  We headed off to Foster's Grille for some burgers and Nick all but nearly fell asleep in his grilled cheese.

As soon as we hopped back in the car after lunch, he quickly passed out and continued his nap all the way to my parents house, through the transition into our car, and into our house where he continued to sleep for another hour and a half.

To say it was a success would barely be covering it.  We had a blast, and Nick even asked to go back the next day!

Thanks Gramma & Boss for a fun-filled fall Saturday picking "punkins"!  We can't wait to take BOTH of our little pumpkins back next year!

23 weeks

This past Friday I was officially 23 weeks pregnant with Baby Boy K #2.  Which means now, on Tuesday, I'm 23.5 weeks, and also 23.5 weeks late in posting any sort of weekly updates on this pregnancy.

Second child syndrome.

But in an attempt to keep some actual, decent records of this pregnancy, perhaps I should share some details of how things are going the second time around!

How far along are you? 23.5 weeks

How I'm feeling: Feeling great compared to the entire first trimester.  Some days I completely forget I'm pregnant, which is easy to do when chasing a toddler, cleaning the house, etc. etc.  I have a tendency to push my limits and try to tackle chores or pick up items way too heavy for my current body state.  But aside from the evening heartburn and the fact that I pass out on the couch no later than 10 pm every night - I feel great!

Total weight gain: Welllllll...at my last Dr. appt, just before we found out that baby #2 is a boy, I had only gained a total of 10 lbs so far.  Although that doesn't account for the fact that there were about 20 lbs of Nick weight that I still hadn't lost.  And it also doesnt' account for the EAT ALL THE THINGS! attitude and cravings I've been having this past month...so we shall see tomorrow.

Cool baby facts: This is the week where loud noises become familiar to baby in the womb.  So baby will be accustomed to sounds like the vacuum and dog barking when he is on the "outside".  I'm not sure this fact is totally true though.  When I was pregnant with Nick, I rarely vacuumed...yet he was all sorts of obsessed with the vacuum cleaner when he was old enough to recognize it.  Although, Whinnie did bark ALL the time while I was pregnant, and once he was born - and she still doesn't affect him.  She could bark into his ear while he's sleeping and it wouldn't phase him.  Hope that rings true for baby boy 2!

How big is baby? He is currently about the size of a large mango, according to baby center. 

Sleep: Aside from the last week of Nick being sick and sleeping half of the night in our bed - and coughing himself into vomit-fits, causing us to have to change the sheets at 4am - my sleeping has been great.  I'm up anywhere from 1 to 3 times a night to pee, but pretty much able to fall back asleep immediately.  And I'm most comfortable on my right side, even though they say it's best to sleep on your left.  So far the giant preggo pillow has not had to join us in the bed, but I have it laying on the floor right next to my side just in case I need any quick middle of the night support.

Maternity Clothes: I've been wearing maternity clothes since, oh, about the minute I peed on the stick.  I expanded ridiculously quickly this time around.  I'm still getting away with some non-maternity t-shirts, but did have to purchase a few summery maternity items seeing as I grew so fast and it was still so warm just a few weeks ago.  Fortunately most of my maternity wear from Nick will still work/fit for this winter.  Not so fortunately, I feel like so much of it is outdated and not my style.  Therefore, I've bought a few new staples and layering pieces to add to my wardrobe.  AND I finally bought maternity panties.  I'm not sure how I survived without them the first time around.  I totally get why there is a market for them.  Sadly I only bought three pairs, but I fully intend to add to that collection this week. 

Best moment this week:  The past few days have been a little worrisome.  Baby hasn't been super active.  I feel him move/kick a bit - and usually at the same times - but not frequently, and definitely not hard/swift kicks.  I read that at 23 weeks, baby still has quite a bit of room to move freely (and with judging by the size of my belly, I'd say that's VERY true).  But this morning, as I sat at my desk, he started kicking and punching so hard that my belly was vibrating.  I think he's finally making his presence known (aside from the presence he made known via first trimester dry-heaving). 

Movement: See below.  He's finally on the move.  Here's hoping he gives the tap-dancing on my cervix a break.  Oh, and that he stops using my bladder as a beanbag chair.  Having to pee the minute I stand up from the toilet is getting old.

Food cravings: Anything.  No seriously.  But I have been craving some Mexican food -- authentic, not Old el Paso tacos, hubby.  Oh and last Friday all I wanted was a plain bagel with plain cream cheese.  I got it, and it was totally NOT what I wanted.  Boring at best.  And I had a craving for candied crystallized ginger a few weeks ago, so I picked up some at Trader Joe's...and I've eaten about 3 pieces.  Just not what I imagined in my head.  Also, just like with Nick, this time around I can drink milk by the gallon - in a day.  First thing I want when I wake up is milk.  Between the two of us, Nick and I are bankrupting our grocery budget based on milk consumption alone.

Food aversions:  Nothing really.  Although weirdly enough, a few weekends ago when we went to Lake Anna for a friends engagement surprise, Todd made a huge batch of molasses cookies.  We had several leftover, and I wanted nothing to do with them.  Even ended up throwing out the stale leftovers - about 8 of them - just last night.  Even I feel like this is blasphemy.

Belly button in or out: My pregnant belly button is so ugly.  Like a giant crater in the middle of a bowling ball.  No, basketball.  Whatever...it's still in, but it's super unattractive.  You will never see me posting bare-bellied preggo pics.  Nobody wants to see that.

What I miss: Rare seared tuna.  Wine.  Not having to poop 6 times a day.

What I'm looking forward to: Getting my glucose test over and done with tomorrow morning.  I just have this weird fear that I'm going to fail.  Could be the chocolate ice cream I've been eating 3-4 nights a week.  Or could be the fact that I figure if I don't end up with pre-eclampsia this time around, I'll definitely have gestational diabetes.  But here's to hoping for the best, and NO complications. 

Randoms: The rash on my wedding ring finger that I developed while pregnant with Nick has now started up.  My finger looks like it was burned.  It's both heinous and itchy.  So for now, I've stopped wearing my rings.  Sad.  On a happier note, we are pretty certain we've settled on a name for baby boy #2!  But that's for us to keep secret for now...

 

Also -- I just realized I don't have a 23 week picture uploaded.  Will get one taken and add to this post soon.

Furloughed...and loving it?

Todd has been furloughed for 8 days now.

8 days that he has been home.  With no pay.  No reassurance that he will get to go back soon.  And no confirmation that he will get back pay for the days he's been out.

It's a big blow to our current income, our savings, and our security.  It's a big blow that does just that - blows.

Yet, I feel like this week has been good for us.  All of us.

Whinnie is thrilled to have her favorite buddy at home to follow from room to room.  Someone to take her on extra potty breaks.  Throw her squeaky pink elephant for her one extra time.

Todd is getting home projects (particularly the master bathroom) banged out left and right.  He's sleeping in and catching up on rest, running, and his sanity.

I'm loving having an adult to talk to during the day.  Someone to chat up over a sandwich at lunchtime.  Being able to share a morning cup of coffee with my best friend. 

Seeing his drive to get things done has in turn given me more drive to spend my breaks and downtime in between work assignments actually doing something productive -- cleaning...organizing...blogging.

And Nick is beside himself with the joy of getting to see Daddy first thing every morning.  The minute I walk into his room in the morning, he smiles at me, says "Hi mommy!" and in the same breath follows up with "go see Daddy!"

Our money may be tighter than ever before, but for some reason, we've been able to push that fear to the back of our minds and focus on the fact that we're all benefiting from spending this extra time together.

We've made it a point to cook all of our meals at home - no quick McDonald's breakfast in the morning just because.  No weekly $5 footlongs at Subway.  Even the cheapest of splurges have been cut. 

And surprisingly enough, no dinners out (with the exception of 1/2 price burger night at Brion's on Tuesday...but mom & dad paid) combined with the week long downpour we've been having, and the extensive amount of indoors time we've been racking up, we have yet to get on each others nerves.

This is, I'm sure, due in large part to the fact that Todd is far less stressed and far more rested.  The fact that I'm loving having company during the day.  And the fact that our toddler is, in my not so humble opinion, the most hilarious little dude ever.

We spend mornings and evenings with Nick relishing in the sweet, silly things that come out of his little mouth. 

Just this morning, after waking up and running in to see Daddy - per his usual request these days - Nick climbed into our bed, pointed to my pillow, and said "sit wight here mommy!"  After obeying his demands, he rolled into my arms and said " 'nuggle, mommy!  'nuggle!"  So we did...we snuggled.  Despite the fact that we were not dressed yet.  His face was crusted with residual snot and drool from a stuffy-nosed nights sleep.  And we were already 10 minutes late to get to daycare.  We snuggled.  Whinnie asleep on Todd's leg.  Nick curled into my arms...one little hand clasping  Daddy's. 

And while the bills keep rolling in, and the threat of draining our savings until this government shutdown comes to an end looms heavy in the background...this morning, and this whole week, I have been easily reminded of just how truly rich our family is.  A richness that cannot be bankrupted - furlough or not.

Round 2

Yes -- it's official...Baby Boy K part 2 will be arriving almost exactly 3 years to the date of our last little blessing.  Nick is going to be a big bro, I'm officially joining the ranks of "boy mom", and Todd is well on his way to forming his own male basketball team.

We are excited, a little nervous about going from 2 on 1 to 1 on 1, and feverishly pulling out all of the old baby clothes, shoes, and gear that has been stowed away in our attic since Nick outgrew it all.

I can't believe I'm already 21 weeks...more than halfway to meeting our second sweet boy.  This pregnancy is flying by and I'm feeling completely unprepared.  But I know we'll get everything pulled together and ready for this little guy's arrival.  I have so much to update on in regards to my pregnancy thus far, so be on the lookout -- I may just finally get back into the swing of blogging...at least for the next 5 months, until I take a brief hiatus to figure out life as a working mommy of 2!

Labor Day Weekend

We had a wonderful Labor Day weekend! 

Last Wednesday morning Nick had his last speech therapy appointment with Ms. Becca - in which he did awesome, lots of hugs were exchanged, and we all almost cried at the thought of our last visit with her (but this deserves a post all it's own!).  After speech, Mom picked him up and took him over to my grandparents for an hour while I finished up some work.  Then I drove over to enjoy lunch with my grandparents, parents, and Nick before Mom, Dad, Nick and I packed up and headed down to the lake for 6 nights and 5 glorious days!

 

Endless sunshine, breezy rides on Dad's (finally!) finished boat, soft sand between our toes, floating on rafts in the cool lake, ice cream at Papa Jim's, burgers, hot dogs, pizza, wings, grilled chicken, pad Thai (all on various nights of course, but yes, I'm sure I gained 10 lbs), a day of football at BDubs in Charlottesville, trips to the playground, and lots of family game nights, and I am fairly certain this was one of my favorite lake house visits to date. But let's be honest - they're all my favorite.

 

 

 

 

 
Nick was a sweetheart, but that seems to be the norm these days. If we're in the midst of the terrible two's, then bring it on. He is full of hugs and kisses and polite manners -- always saying please and thank you and smiling and laughing. The rare tantrums we get are almost always because he's either missed nap time and just can't help but cry, or when he's hungry and dinner comes later than usual. Not that I'm tooting our own horns - because believe me, I don't necessarily give us credit for his over-abundant sweetness...I honestly think he is just one of those truly rare, kind people that will one day be offering to help his teacher clean up and friending the kids sitting alone at lunch. His heart is already a million times larger than mine, and it's a quality I hope he never ever loses.

But aside from how incredibly sweet he is, Nick keeps us cracking up at all times. I love hearing him talk to himself and his toys as he's playing...telling them "all aboard airplane!" or "get on school bus!" I adore hearing him stop my mom mid-sentence as she's talking about a train to say "choo choo train not here, Gramma!" And I just about died when my brother told me that Nick said to him "Nice boat, Uncle Matt!" while they were out on the water. But my favorite is the parroting. My mom dropped something in the sand on Friday and loudly exclaimed "oh shoot!". Ever since, Nick has been pounding his fist down and saying "ohhh shoot!" every time something not-so-great happens. And just last night, as he was going to sleep in his own bed at his usual bedtime - after 6 nights of sleeping in the same room as mama & daddy and not going to bed until almost 9pm - I watched him rolling around and heard him repeating over the monitor"back home...back home", as if he was singing the blues about being back on his regular routine.

But now that our mini end-of-summer vacation is over, we're back to our regular every day.  Todd took today and tomorrow off of work, so this morning he took Whinnie in for eye surgery and a teeth cleaning while I dropped Nick at daycare.  We came home and I made a big bacon and egg breakfast to rival any typical Sunday morning, threw some chicken, onion and spices in the crock pot to simmer for an enchilada dinner tonight, and now I'm enjoying a cup of coffee while blogging (and working) in my office as Todd enjoys his day off with a jog and some work on our master bathroom...WHICH (another post in and of itself) is on course to be almost finished by my 31st birthday this coming Sunday!  (The only gift I requested...well, and dinner at Carabba's) ;)

We've had a glorious summer, and while I'm sad to see parts of it end (train rides and beach trips), I'm excited for cooler temps, weekends full of football, changing leaves, pumpkin spice lattes, boots, sweaters, and everything that this fall and winter will bring! 

Hope your Labor Day and end of summer celebration was as joyful as ours!

Calm after the storm

Last night I had a terrible dream.

I dreamt that Todd and I were relaxing on our screened-in porch (that we don't have) on the front of our gigantic 4 story house (that we also don't have) while Nick was upstairs napping in his crib.

All of a sudden, the wind started picking up and the news flashed on calling for a huge tornado.

There was hardly any time for Todd and I to react, so we both crawled under a wood picnic table just as the tornado ripped across our house.

Fear and panic instantly set in as I worried about my baby upstairs asleep.

And just as fast as the tornado started, it was over, and Todd and I crawled out from under the picnic table to see our huge house was destroyed.  The entire roof and front side of the house had been ripped off, exposing Nick's room - and his crib...where he continued to lay there snoozing away, as if nothing had happened.  He was completely unscathed.

And instead of still feeling panicked, I suddenly had this overwhelming sense of calm.  I was at peace with what had happened.  Our house could easily be replaced or rebuilt.  We could live with our family (who at this point had now shown up) until our house was repaired.  But my family was fine - alive - well - thriving.  And I was not the least bit worried.

I woke up remembering every detail vividly.  And, a true worrier at heart, was surprised to feel that my heart was not racing, and I was still just as calm as I had been in my dream.

I wiped the sleep from my eyes and walked down the hall to see my toddler still snoozing away peacefully in his crib.

And I realized that the greatest depth of my worries, is having something terrible happen to someone who means the world to me - my husband, my son, my family, my closest friends.  And in knowing they are ok?  I am ok.  I am at peace.

After a particularly trying week - between work and other inconsequential occurrences that have happened, this dream was just another one of those small, inconspicuous reminders, that even if I woke up tomorrow and everything started to crumble around me - as long as I woke up, and I still had my family - all would be right in the world.

And sometimes I just really need that kind of reminder.

Uh, hi - here I am!

I don't even want to discuss how long it's been since I wrote anything here.  TOO long.  Like almost as long as the 4 month hiatus I took right after Nick was born and I was too busy dealing with being a postpartum depressed new mama, while simultaneously trying to deal with the new high of being "in love" that subsequently came with birthing the most beautiful baby boy on the planet.  (Biased, obviously, but whatever - it's my JOB to be biased.)

If you couldn't tell from the above paragraph, I've been feeling super nostalgic lately.  Most days I wrangle Nick into my lap while he's sitting on the floor playing, and just sit there smelling his hair like some kind of obsessed nanny off a Lifetime movie.  But seriously.  He just turned 2 and a half.  And at this stage in life, I am like, the ultimate awesome person to him.  He squeals "MAMA!" in excitement every time he sees me - first thing in the morning, when I pick him up from daycare in the afternoon, each time I return to the room from taking a poop.  It's like he can't believe I came back, and he is so happy to see me he might explode.

It's the most awesome feeling ever. 

Until I start to think about how in far too few years he'll be dissing me for friends, and crying when I come pick him up from daycare because "I just wanted to be the last kid picked up, I'm having so much fun!"  (This is no joke -- my brother and I used to say this to my mom on the reg. when we were in elementary school.  25 years later, she informs me that it was like a dagger to the heart every time.  Sorry mom.  Really and truly!)

I'm completely unprepared for the day that Nick decides I'm not the coolest person he's ever met.  Not in any way whatsoever am I ready for him to not willingly hold my hand or plant a big kiss right on my lips in public.  But I know those days are coming.  At lightening speed.

I suppose, that explains a bit of my blog absence.  You know, If I'm looking for a really good and legit sounding excuse.  But I've just been too busy enjoying my summer with my absolute most favorite little boy in the entire universe.  And smelling his oddly stinky feet any chance I get.  Because before long, he's not going to let me pretend to nibble on his dirty toes...and the thought forms a big old lump in my throat and makes me choke back tears. 

So pardon my lack of posting.  There's just too many moments passing by faster than I can capture them all - and while I'd like to write them all down, sometimes it's more enjoyable to just squeeze that chubby little hand in mine, let the red Popsicle drip down the front of his white shirt, and wrap him up in a sticky bear hug...breathing in these sweet and fleeting moments before he's flinging dirty sports socks my way and asking for the keys to my Buick.  Which, let's be honest, will be SO uncool to drive in 14 years.